What school suits PDA children?

Have you got the Back to School Blues?

Sep 17, 2024

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Hello, it’s been a while since I popped into your inbox…. in an unplanned kind of way I apparently took summer off to mooch around and do very little. We didn’t go abroad but we did visit my Dad up on the North West coast of England for a long weekend.

sandy beach with burnt end of a pier and orange round sun above it

The sunset there, on one of my favourite beaches in the world, was stunning. What made this trip extra special though was the fact that Sasha was with me. She’s not managed to make that journey for the last few years (it’s a four hour road trip, sadly) because she still struggles with major anxiety around travelling anywhere. But this time she came, and she even walked out to the sea with me, played mini golf and walked down the very busy pier! Huge steps forward for a girl who rarely leaves the house at all (other than for her school sessions, which still sounds pretty unbelievable if I’m honest!).

Tall girl in pink shirt and pink skirt playing golf on a course with bright blue skies

And then, the weekend after we returned home, Sasha did something that I honestly thought she might never do - mainly because she’s been saying for a couple of years that she wouldn’t want to. She had her first driving lesson! In an automatic car, off-road, with the great Young Driver team. That will be my next blog post - look out for it on my website, on Facebook or in my next email…

Back to School

Sending extra virtual strength to everyone who has faced the challenges of back to school over the last couple of weeks. The start of term has been a little ‘bumpy’ for us, and that’s with a much reduced timetable, in a very small, specialist setting.

Over the years I’ve often been asked ‘what school suits PDA children?’ and I wish I had a simple answer. Schools are full of demands and it’s difficult to see how that can work for any PDA individual. Many PDAers seem to want to be in school though, and it can be tricky matching up this desire to be included with the right kind of setting. The PDA Society has a great article all about school settings and support: PDA & School.

black background with multicoloured image of a heart and the words Not Fine in School

I just came across an old blog post that I wrote not long before our PDAer stopped attending mainstream school at the age of 10. It is titled ‘Is there a good school for PDA? This is our PDA story (week 15)’. For parents who are feeling the pressure of back to school and a system that doesn’t properly cater for every child’s needs, I thought I’d share my blog series Not Fine in School. There are 18 experiences shared by families whose children have struggled to attend school, and they might help some of you feel less alone.

Non school attendance is rarely the child’s fault, or the parents. EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance) is the new term being used to avoid saying ‘school refusal’ but I’m not sure this describes the situation that many face any better. Maybe we can come up with a new acronym?! CEFNC (Challenging Environment for Neurodivergent Children)? AIBS (Anxiety Induced By School)? Any other suggestions, send them to me by email and maybe we can have a Facebook discussion about this soon!

I did write one blog post over summer; it was this one titled Thinking about Exam Results Days and mental health. Results days bring mixed emotions for me and many others I’m sure - in this post is a great example of how things don’t always go to plan but can end up great anyway. Someone who struggled to attend school so took a different path. It was the right path for them, and it’s a good reminder that there can be different ways to get to where you are going.

Book Review

I’m so proud of my fab friend Danielle who blogs over at PDA Parenting about life with her three girls. She has just published her first novel - a novel with a twist that I think many of you may be interested in. Black Rainbow tells the story of Sarah, a married mum of two young children. Sarah "is seriously struggling and so is her young, misunderstood daughter. Sarah is constantly trying to conform to fit in, her parenting skills are judged and her voice is quashed.”

purple book cover with title blac rainbow, image of rainbow and mum holding girls hand

The twist is that this child shows signs of PDA… the book takes us through aspects of everyday life that many parents of PDA children will recognise, from diagnosis assessments through to school attendance issues, and the challenges of relationships with others who don’t understand the need for a different parenting style. It’s so brilliantly written, I honestly think you will love it! Read more in my Black Rainbow review post or by clicking on the images (the one below is from when I was thrilled to be able to help out at Danielle’s book launch Q&A over summer).

Highly recommended

I’m going to try to bring back this section recommending others in future newsletters but I’ve lost track of who I’ve already mentioned so bear with me while I sort that out!

For now my recommendations are in the latest post on my blog, where I’ve shared lots of links to podcasts that I’ve enjoyed being a guest on, and other podcasts about neurodiversity that I’ve found interesting. If you’re not a podcast lover (and it does seem to be a bit of a ‘marmite’ activity I think!) then there are also some videos of discussions around PDA too. Please do let me know what you think of them if you listen to, or watch, any. I love it when people get in touch, with questions or life stories or shorter comments! Here’s the post: Podcasts and videos about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Neurodiversity

Question Time

This week I am wondering how many people actually listen to podcasts? Do you prefer reading? Or watching videos?

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions, please get in touch via stephstwogirls@gmail.com or reply to this email. If you know someone else who would like more info about PDA, please feel free to forward them this email and ask them to subscribe to receive further updates!