But why?
Asking questions: Life After the Lightbulb Moment
Hello again! A couple of weeks ago I had a chat about our book and our life with PDA, on Facebook with lovely Kate Swenson, author of Forever Boy, and owner of the great Finding Cooper’s Voice Facebook page.
You can still watch the video of our chat on Facebook. I’m hoping I made sense… sometimes (often) I talk too fast and can’t get my brain to slow down! Let me know what you thought of it?!
Onto questions, and ‘why’?
Currently, our daughter only has one outfit that she wears. One complete set of clothes that she puts on every time she leaves the house. That has been happening only twice a week for the last few months, when I take her to her ‘school’ (that’s a whole other topic, I’ll cover that in a future newsletter!).
Anyhow, the clothes. Pink hoodie, pink skirt, black leggings and trainers. Of course I wash the clothes regularly, when necessary. The other day I asked her if, now that an extra day (short session) at school has been added and she will go out three times, she might like to have some new clothes, to wear something different.
“But why?” was her reply.
It’s a good question. I’m pretty sure that some people will think it strange that our daughter wears the same clothes all the time. But does it matter? The silver lining is that we are not having to spend a lot of money on clothes for her, and maybe she will carry this on in her adult life - it’s a great way to save money! But a silver lining is not the right expression to use, because to me it doesn’t feel like there’s any cloud here. It doesn’t bother me that she always looks the same, because she’s happy. It’s not hurting anyone else.
Some people love to look and feel different every day; some people love to look and feel the same. Neither is right or wrong.
‘Why?’ and ‘Does it matter?’ are two questions that I’ve taught myself to ask regularly as mum of a PDAer.
When we stop to think about many aspects of life, or about what we feel compelled to do, some of them don’t make a lot of sense. ‘Because everyone else does’ is not an answer that makes any sense, when you think about it.
Our PDAer has led us to a way of living that is different in some ways from what society expects. Different; not bad, or less.
I know not everyone will relate to our clothes situation, but maybe ask the question ‘why’ about hygiene routines, or food, or school. Or about why your child should sit in assembly (sorry teachers), or at the dinner table. I think the question ‘why?’ is always worth considering….
What I might cover in my next newsletter, is how our girl can ask questions like this, but then struggles when people ask her any questions. Instant anxiety overload from not knowing how to answer….
MindJam gaming
Dan from MindJam is an inspiring, hardworking guy who I was honoured to be able to interview for a blog post recently. MindJam is an organisation that he created to support young people with aspects of life they find difficult, in an environment they feel comfortable in, by harnessing the benefits of digital entertainment/creative platforms.
Read more from Dan and why he knows that gaming and technology can be the key to both learning and supporting children’s emotional health, in my blog post here: MindJam Support for young people.
Dan also spoke at the recent PDA Space Summit (more about that below!).
Book Reviews
I’ve recently posted a review on my blog of the book A Different Sort of Normal, by autistic author Abigail Balfe. There seem to be very few books about autism that are written for young readers, to help them understand themselves better. This one is definitely not a 'boring' book; full of illustrations, speech bubbles, and different font types on every page that all catch the eye. I recommend checking this out - it’s great for all ages. And there’s a reason why it’s next to one of our cats in this photo, as you’ll find out in my post: A Different Sort of Normal.
PDA Space Summit 2024
Did you manage to join in online with any of the 5th annual global PDA Space Summit last weekend? Nicola from the PDA Space managed to organise a truly awesome event again. There were over 40 speakers covering the topic of PDA from a wide range of experiences; professionals, parents and of course PDAers themselves.
Dr Ross Greene is a guy I've appreciated from afar for a long time. He is is an American clinical child psychologist and author of the book The Explosive Child. His usual mantra is 'kids do well if they can' (a great video of him talking about that can be found on YouTube). In his PDA Summit talk he mentioned that he now has a new mantra - 'don't be late'. As in, we should focus on being proactive and trying to figure things out before signs of distress in children.
He also stressed how he felt it was important for professionals to listen to parents, particularly when they have other siblings who are well-behaved and who do respond to traditional parenting methods. I often felt that was overlooked in our family's situation - and why would I invent difficulties for one child when the other seems to manage to 'conform' to society's expectations?!
There were so many great talks and presentations, with some sharing information about speech and hormones, self-regulation, education and the nervous system. Other topics included coping with distressed behaviour, Tourette’s, PDAers and learning, Dads talking about PDA, trauma, low demand parenting and much more!
It’s still possible to buy the Back Pocket Pass so that you can watch all of these talks over the next year - and although I know it might be sadly out of reach for some, I can honestly say that I think this is still great value for all the information that was shared. More info at The PDA Space Summit
Social media challenges
I’ve been using social media for a long time now and it has many positives but the downside is that what anyone gets to see is all based on algorithms. Criteria for those can change frequently, so although I post regularly, sometimes barely anyone gets to see what I post. That’s why I’m grateful for those of you who have decided to sign up for emails, as there’s more chance of this information being seen. Please do share this or interact with my social posts if you can, it’s all very much appreciated!
In my next newsletter I’m hoping to have info about some of the podcasts I’ve recorded for recently. I may have hit a spate of writer’s block lately but thankfully that hasn’t stopped me from talking about our experiences! And I’ve progressed from someone who wasn’t a fan of podcasts to now trying to find time to fit more of them into my day….
Question Time
This week’s quick question is just for fun…. I’ve been to see Take That 3 times already in the last few weeks, and I will be going again very soon. Mr C seems to think that four times is maybe taking it a bit too far, but I disagree… I’ll also be seeing Bryan Adams in concert in May too, which I’m equally excited about!
I’d love to know what makes you happy, or relaxed - if your answer doesn’t match one of the answers in the poll below, why not leave me a comment or send me a message?! I love to hear from people :)
Thanks for reading! If you have any questions, please get in touch via stephstwogirls@gmail.com, leave a comment or reply to this email.
My son has one set of clothes he wears. Recently the top and shorts both got holes in within a day of each other and he wouldn't wear them. So I had a panic trying to find others that were ok. Now he has his new set so we are ok until something happens to those!!
A walk or run! We live in a city (but a nice one) so I find getting away from built up areas on my walk or run the most de-stressing for me, especially as my PDAer finds it almost impossible to leave the house.